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Unimaginable Groomsmen Gifts in South Hampton

Marty is getting married and 12 guys just got iPad2's for groomsmen gifts! That's the way this party is starting out.

I watched Marty for from a pimply faced Jewish kid living in Massapequa Long Island to one of the wealthiest options traders in New York. When little Marty was the ripe old age of 22, he earned 8 million dollars in one year. This is at a time when I was earning approximately $42,000 per year.

Let's take a stroll in Marty's world. He no longer lives in Massapequa. He now lives in South Hampton which in case you've never heard of it, has A LOT of mansions. Marty's shack is not the most expensive by any stretch. It only has fifteen rooms, 12 baths and a garage/man den that holds six cars. This moderately priced home is a bargain at only 19 million dollars. Considering the fact that other homes have sold for 80 million dollars, I guess this was a fixer upper. My home is a 3 bedroom, 2 bath Levit home which I think is about 1700 square feet. Levit homes are abundant on Long Island. There's even a town named after them called, strangely enough, Levittown. They were cheap and affordable housing for men returning from World War II. My Dad bought one of those tiny homes and so did Marty's.

Now for the good part. Marty truly has not changed. He is the same sick, demented kid that loves to crack jokes and hang out with his friends. And I am one of those close friends. I live vicariously through Marty. I have access to almost all of his luxuries on a weekly basis. His house staff is a good example. Did you know that a shiny new butler can be shipped from England to come live in your home and take care of you? His yearly salary is, wait for iiiitttt .... $140,000 per year! Marty's butler is Percy and it was like adopting a child to get him. The whole process took 18 months. Percy is very elegant and well mannered, and makes more than three times what I do every year. Yet the poor son of a gun finds himself having to "yes sir" and "no sir" me to death.

It was Percy who suggested that Marty purchase Armani suits for groomsmen gifts. This would ensure that the groomsmen in the wedding party would be wearing "acceptable attire". Marty responded, "My friends don't want FFFF'in suits for wedding party presents, Percy. Get them each an iPad2 instead." Now that's the Marty I know and love!

The wedding is hard to describe. Let's just say it was expensive beyond need. There were more flowers than any person could ever take in. The food? Eeeh... not so good. I'm happy with the iPad2 Marty gave me as a groomsman gift. By the way, I wrote this story on it. I'm more sad than happy though. My buddy is married now. The weekly get togethers have trickled down to almost none. This, alas, is the end of an era. My era with Marty the Mega-Wealthy. I wish I could say that I was happy for him. But in reality, I am more sad for me. I haven't seen Marty in over 2 months now. I miss him.

Jonathan Swick - Massapequa, NY



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