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Things to Consider Before Asking Her to Marry You

Love is something that takes hold of you and makes you do some crazy things. Youve been with your girlfriend for a while now. You might even be living with her. There are a few milestones you need to pass before you get down on one knee to pop the question.

(1) Has she indicated that she would marry you if you asked? This seems like the most basic possible question. But, step back and take a hard look. You should have already had numerous conversations about your future together before you even get to the actual asking for her hand in marriage.

If you are not sure what her answer would be, thats a huge red flag to not ask. You are not ready. You need to talk more about the big picture and future plans. Where you both see yourselves in 5 years. That sort of thing. You dont want to ask prematurely and catch her off guard. She might not be ready and a no or maybe will be devastating to you and make things awkward.

(2) Is someone pressuring you? Is your mom, grandma, dad, potential new mother-in-law, potential new father-in-law, friends or other family dropping huge hints or direct suggestions to you that you two get married? You and your girlfriend are the ones that decide when you are ready. Outside influences should not force you into such a major decision in your life. You need to be ready. Your possible bride needs to be ready. In fact, you both need to be ready at the same time. This is critical.

(3) What is the real color of her hair? Do you know? Do you know her mom and dads first name? Is she thousands of dollars in debt on her credit card? Have you seen her drivers license? Where did she grow up? You need to know all about her to make sure you are picking an appropriate mate to spend the rest of your life with. You dont want to be surprised with something major like oh yeah, I have a drinking problem after the wedding. Liquor flasks as cool groomsmen gifts and bridesmaid gifts might not be a good idea. You really need to know as much as you possibly can about a potential spouse. This would mean many hours of conversation and listening and making mental notes of every juicy little piece of trivia about her.

(4) Have you pictured life after the wedding? Have you imagined what your married routine will be? Where youll live? Where youll go to church? Is that important to you? Are you the same religion? Different? How is that going to work out? Ready to be faithful to one woman for decades? That means youre only supposed to have sex with her from here on out? She needs to be your best friend. You need to be able to be with each other day in and day out. Who will cook? Do laundry? Cleaning? Both of you going to work? You need to have a good idea of what youre getting yourself into.

(5) Do you want to have children? Does she want to have babies immediately? Not at all? You want them, she doesnt? You both want kids and the plan is for her to be a stay-at-home-mom? Is she physically able to produce children? Hopefully there is not some big secret of a hidden medical condition that has left her infertile. You need to know all these things. The question of whether or not to have children may seem like something to deal with off in the distant future. Its not. You need to go into a marriage with as much information and pre-planning as you can. Life does throw you curves. But you certainly want to stave off any major problems or surprises if you can. That just makes good sense and will save everyone a lot of heartache in the not-so-distant future.

(6) Where will you live? Did you both meet in college? But she originally grew up in New York and you came from California? Now what? Do you live in your hometown, hers, the town you both met in, somewhere completely different? If this particular is open ended, thats a problem. Will one of you feel unhappy living away from your siblings or parents? Feel all alone? If you do have children someday, its nice to be near family for some help.

(7) Do you truly like each other? She may be beautiful and the sex might be hot, but if she suddenly was unattractive and you couldnt have sex for a month, would you still want to hang out with her? Do you have hobbies you enjoy together? Do you both like sports? Are you a total homebody but she likes to go out to dinner and clubs three times a week? Can you picture yourself being happy with her even when you fall into a routine and its not all fun and games and dating? Will you enjoy drying the dishes after she washes them? And, I mean, day after day. Youre going to see her without makeup (hopefully you already have). Shes going to eventually see you clipping your toenails. You need to know that you have a deep bond and are prepared to journey through life together.

The main point is that before you pop the question, you need to really know her. You need to understand her family background, medical history, habits, likes and dislikes, future dreams, all that stuff. This is where dating comes in. Take the time to truly know her. It may seem thrilling and romantic to ask someone to marry you. But, thats just one day. Once you ask, and if she says yes, you will start on a 6 month to 18 month engagement period that is going to be exhilarating, stressful, happy, annoying, expensive and call for a lot of decisions.

Once you are engaged, the families get involved. Money gets involved. Who will pay for what? Where will you honeymoon? Where will you get married? What kinds of wedding favors will be at each place setting at the reception? What will you wear? What will she wear? What China pattern will you pick? You both (mainly your bride) will have to make a lot of decisions. Many are trivial. Some are huge. Your sweet bride-to-be may buckle under the pressure and turn into a bridezilla and bite your head off. Hopefully, you know her and have already seen her agitated and know how she handles stress. Good luck. When youre ready, youll feel it. Youll know it. Shell know it and you can take that huge leap.



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